The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins (Summary And Review)

About The Author

Mel Robbins is a best-selling author, motivational speaker, and personal development coach. She is widely known for her TEDx talk “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over,” which has been viewed over 28 million times. In “The High 5 Habit,” Robbins shares a simple yet powerful technique for building self-confidence and promoting positive self-talk.

The High 5 Habit Summary

“The High 5 Habits” by Mel Robbins is a best-selling book that focuses on building self-confidence and promoting positive self-talk.

In this article, we summarize the book and provide actionable takeaways, along with personal thoughts and reviews.

Alrighty, so without further ado, let’s dive right in.

Lesson #1: Notice your thoughts and emotions about yourself when you first look at yourself in the mirror after waking up.

Don’t we all wake up each morning and watch ourselves in the mirror while brushing our teeth?

Have you ever noticed what kind of thoughts come to mind when you look at your face or body?

Most people keep criticizing themselves for all the things that are wrong with them.

When they see their face, they may find that their nose is too big, their skin isn’t as clear as it should be, or their eyes aren’t as beautiful as they’d like them to be.

We often try to find faults when we examine ourselves.

People often do not feel grateful for the things they have.

Unfortunately, this is an unconscious daily practice for many people.

The author, Mel Robbins, was guilty of doing the same thing in the morning.

She used to worry about how her chin isn’t perfect, how her neck doesn’t look right, and how her stomach isn’t perfect, and so many other things.

Guess what it did to her?

She increasingly felt worse about herself.

It’s worth noting that we are only referring to the first few hours of the day. If we were to include the amount of self-criticism we engage in throughout the rest of the day, it would be a different story.

One day, she did something different.

She gave a high-five to her reflection in the mirror.

Yeah, that’s all she did.

And guess what happened?

She felt wonderful about herself. That simple act of high-fiving cheered her up.

She congratulated herself for just being alive.

So, what was really going on? What happened there?

Well, she reminded herself that she has a choice: Either she can keep complaining about her imperfections, or she can give herself a high and appreciate the way she is.

The key takeaway here is that you always have a choice.

It doesn’t matter what your appearance looks like or how bad your life is right now, you can choose to change. You can see things differently.

And by doing so, you can even influence your mood and feel good.

Life is better when you have a good relationship with yourself.

The High Five helps you achieve just that.

It helps you to be kind to yourself.

It reminds you that you too deserve some kindness and happiness in this chaotic world where nothing is permanent.

And don’t worry, taking some time for self-validation occasionally will not lead to entitlement.

If you are kind to yourself, chances are that you will also be kind to others.

Lesson #2: The High 5 Attitude is a symbol of hope, optimism, and cheerfulness.

We all need hope from time to time.

Especially in today’s times, when we are constantly surrounded by negativity and cancel culture.

Almost every salesman will tell you that you lack something in life, that you are not enough, and that you need to fix yourself.

This does not mean that we are perfect.

It’s just that the message we all receive about our imperfections — sometimes they get the better of us.

Our self-confidence suffers a lot because of that.

We begin to doubt our strengths.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly fine to have doubts from time to time.

Sometimes, experiencing hardship and being shattered by circumstances can help build resilience.

However, this should not cause us to lose hope and optimism, correct?

Giving a high five can make you feel energized and confident, giving you a sense of control over yourself.

You begin to accept yourself more.

You feel more encouraged and start loving yourself more.

This helps you overcome a negative outlook and transform it into a positive one.

Scientific research supports the power of high-fives as well.

High-fiving yourself can even change the structure of the brain.

If you give yourself a high five every day while looking in the mirror, you will be training yourself to feel good about yourself.

During that time, your brain creates new neural connections.

This all might sound so simple.

After all, it’s just a small act of high-five, right?

You might even think, “Well, it’s a nice habit to feel good, nothing so special about it.”

However, this habit has effects on other aspects of life and is connected to many things.

Try it yourself for a few days, and you’ll notice an improvement in your overall mood.

Lesson #3: How you see yourself determines how other people see you.

The “High 5 Attitude” can influence those around you.

When you feel good about yourself, you radiate positivity, and people are drawn to you.

When you start appreciating yourself, giving yourself high-fives, it can have a ripple effect on the people around you.

By being kind to yourself, you also inspire others to be kind to themselves and create a positive cycle of self-love and kindness.

A study published in the Frontiers of Psychology journal suggested that students who got high-fived during a tasked performed better than those only received a praise and no high five for their efforts.

Also, UC Berkley researchers found that NBA teams that high-fived earliest in the season had a higher chance of winning.

It has been found that in the workplace, teams that show genuine care towards each other tend to perform better.

High-fiving others has great benefits, and the same is true for high-fiving our reflections in the mirror every day.

When you high five others, you build a better relationship with them.

And when you high five yourself, you improve your relationship with yourself.

Moreover, having a positive relationship with yourself can make it easier for you to support and encourage others.

Lesson #4: The High Five Habit reminds you that you are not a bad person.

We all experience negative thoughts.

But if you are not careful, negative thoughts if reinforced again and again, they can define your identity.

You may have messed up a lot of things in life, but this doesn’t mean you are a bad person.

Stop feeling like a victim. You are not a victim.

You are not your thoughts.

It’s natural to have bad ideas and thoughts.

But letting them define you, letting them affect how you see yourself, it’s totally a big no-no.

You are not a failure.

You don’t need to victimize yourself for every little mistake you make.

Try taking small steps every day to empower yourself spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.

Try to see every day as an opportunity to do something great.

You might have had a terrible life until now, but not anymore.

You can change it today if you decide to.

It is possible to stop being a slave to our past beliefs. If they are not serving you, there is no need to carry them with you every day.

Form new beliefs and empower yourself.

See yourself in the mirror and uplift yourself in the morning.

Realistically speaking, you won’t transform overnight, it’s a process. Little by little, you will build confidence to bring a radical transformation in your life.

To achieve that, you need to forgive yourself as well as others.

Build self-love instead of self-victimizing yourself every single day.

Build the life you would want to live.

Lesson #5: We all see the world differently based on our thoughts and beliefs.

We unconsciously choose our thoughts and beliefs, which then shape our experiences and influence our worldview.

For instance:

If you believe that the world is a jungle where all people are selfish, then you will keep finding evidence that reinforces this idea in your mind.

Your paradigm, or the color of your lenses, determines what kind of world you see.

The problem is: We don’t decide what will come to our minds.

However, we have the power to decide what we accept within our minds.

We can decide what we believe in.

Determining whether an idea is true or false is entirely within our control.

As individuals, we have the power to act as gatekeepers for our subconscious minds, controlling what we allow to enter.

Remember, we cannot control what enters our immediate conscious mind. However, when we accept an idea that is presented to us, it enters our subconscious mind and solidifies as a belief.

When this occurs, it begins to manifest itself in our actions and it shapes our paradigm.

For example, if you believe that you are a good person, your mind will start looking for evidence to prove it.

If you believe that growth is possible, you will start seeking opportunities for growth.

There is nothing magical about that.

Whatever you focus on, it magnifies.

If you focus on being a good person, you will naturally focus on the qualities that make a person good.

After that, the actions you will take, will further aid in finding more of such opportunities.

This same principle makes high-five special.

When you high five yourself, you are choosing not to self-victimize yourself.

By consistently and consciously making that choice every day, you remind yourself that you have the power to choose how you want to live your life.

Many people fail to achieve their dreams because they don’t understand how the subconscious mind works.

They unconsciously keep reaffirming those negative thoughts about themselves, which ultimately turns them into reality.

There are obviously many other factors in play.

However, it is important to take responsibility for as many things as possible. This is what good and responsible individuals do.

Actionable Takeaways from this Book Summary

• Try giving yourself a high five in the morning and see how it makes you feel.
• Remember that you have a choice in how you see yourself and that you don’t need to focus on your imperfections.
• Recognize that how you see yourself can influence others around you, so practicing self-love and positivity can have a positive impact on others as well.
• Understand that while the High Five Habit can be helpful in building self-confidence and positivity, it’s not a sustainable solution on its own and self-knowledge is important for long-term happiness.
• Treat yourself better. Practice self-love.

My personal thoughts on “The High Five Habits”

These are the things that you need to hear before you read this book. You may not like this. But it’s important.

1. Nobody deserves anything. First, this book tells you that you deserve this, you deserve that, which is not practical, you will start feeling entitled because of this. Nobody deserves anything. Just do what is right. Expectations hurt a lot when they are not fulfilled. So stop expecting that you deserve something. Yes, people do reciprocate value, but just because you are nice, it doesn’t mean that others will be nice to you. It’s selfish to do good and expect others to do the same for you.
2. It’s not a big deal to feel bad about ourselves occassionally. Emotions are fleeting in nature, so it’s perfectly normal to feel bad once in a while. There is no big deal about it. The book makes it sounds like you should always be happy, but in reality, it shouldn’t bother you so much.
3. High Fives may work at times. But it’s a superficial solution to a deeper underlying problem. No matter how encouraging the act of giving yourself high fives sounds, it’s not a sustainable solution. You can give youreself a hundred high fives, but if you don’t realize what the real problem is, you will only be deceiving yourself.
4. The real happiness is possible only through self-knowledge, not by some act that some other person is telling us. Without self-knowledgde, you can’t understand your emotions. And since most people don’t have that, they are given overly simplistic methods that don’t work all the time and often fail to work in the long term. So seek self-knowledge as much as possible.

The High 5 Habit Review

Overall the book has positive reviews from the readers. And due to its simplicity, many readers found this useful.

Personally, it’s not going to work for me as I prefer to gain self-knowledge instead of focusing on techniques.

All techniques are limiting in nature. But a high-five once in a while isn’t bad.

Praise

Those who view the world in terms of “positive” and “negative,” rather than shades of grey, tend to find this book very positive and uplifting.

The author has a calm and gentle way of speaking to her readers.

If you’re not someone who can follow complex self-help or productivity techniques, this book may make your life easier.

And if you are a fan of Mel Robbins, you will definitely enjoy this book.

Criticism

The criticism of this book is that the author believes high-fiving can solve all of life’s problems, but things are not that simple.

The technique is not viable in the long term, but it is marketed as a way to bring energy and excitement into your life.

If you lack self-knowledge and haven’t figured out much in life, no amount of high-fives will help you. This is the truth, which the author doesn’t discuss much about in the book.

The concept itself is very limiting in nature.

Readers who have grown tired of reading numerous motivational books may not enjoy this book as much as those who are always seeking motivation and encouragement.

Who is it for?

• Self improvement obsessed people.
• Anyone who is feeling low and looking for a simple solution.
• Someone who wants positivity in life.
• Psychologists who want to understand emotions better.

FAQs about The High 5 Habit