1-Line Summary: The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida talks about how a man can grow spiritually while dealing with the challenges and desires hat a man faces while in a relationship with a woman.
Last update on 2022-02-22 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon
The Way Of The Superior Man Summary (PDF)
This book summary is a must-read if you encounter any issues in your interpersonal relationships.
In this book summary, you will learn the qualities of a superior man who respects her woman and doesn’t compromise with his spiritual growth.
If you are not growing and trying your best to please your woman, something is wrong.
Read the summary till the end to understand how to deal with the puzzling challenges men face with women.
Without further ado, let’s dive right in!
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Lesson #1: These days, both men and women have masculine and feminine qualities.
A long time ago, both men and women had fixed societal roles.
For example, men had to go out and earn money, while women stayed at home and took care of the house.
Women didn’t go out like men and make money.
On the flip side, men didn’t cook food and worried about if the kids got their lunch or not.
But these days, there are no set rules.
Thanks to the new mindset, both men and women may take up any role.
We often associate some qualities with men and women. Women want more love and care, while men are more driven by work and money.
But the truth is:
These qualities are not limited to gender.
Men can show feminine attributes as well.
And women can also display masculine traits.
The percentage may vary, though.
The question is:
What does the author mean by a superior man, when both men and women are equal?
In reality, nobody is superior to the other.
By the word “superior,” the author talks about men who are driven by a purpose and embrace the feminine qualities of women.
Most men try to show superficial manliness.
For example, many men think that cool-looking six-pack abs would make them more manly.
But it’s not all about a fabulous body.
If you believe in that stupid idea, you are a shallow man.
A superior man thinks from his heart and is highly passionate about his mission in life.
He doesn’t pretend to be remarkable.
He knows how to handle his feelings and emotions well.
A superior man knows how to deal with women and embrace their values.
Lesson #2: Never build total dependency on your women for happiness and love.
We all depend on each other to some extent.
That’s how the ecosystems function.
But too much dependency on a person or object is a dangerous thing.
The relationship suffers when a man depends too much on his woman for anything.
Women are sensitive to their emotions. When a woman realizes that his man is so dependent on her, she loses respect, although she might not tell him directly.
Some women may even take advantage of that dependency to fulfill their selfish desires.
A superior man never sees her woman as the only source of love and happiness.
A superior man is conscious and understands that no woman can truly satisfy him.
This doesn’t in any way mean that he hates women. It’s quite the opposite.
He loves her woman and does all the things that make her happy. He embraces her values and unique qualities.
If she is beautiful, he embraces her beauty.
The only difference is:
He doesn’t try to seek fulfillment from her woman.
The author says that no woman can truly satisfy you.
Whether it’s love, happiness, or intimacy, nothing can fulfill all your desires.
These things only work for a certain amount of time. Their effect fades away with time.
If you are disconnected from your source, your consciousness, you will never feel satisfied with your life.
Your relationship may worsen with time as you may look needy or desperate.
Women love those men who have a higher purpose in life.
Imagine you are a woman, and your partner always wants something from you. What does that feel like?
Would you want to spend your entire life with that desperate person?
I’m sure your answer will be No.
Nobody is perfect because you can’t satisfy or provide everything to a person.
If we were all perfect, we wouldn’t require the company of other people.
In the same way, no woman is perfect. She wants to be loved. But at the same time, she wants to admire someone who has a higher purpose in life.
Remember that dependency always hurts if it’s too much. This statement is true in every area of your life.
If you are too dependent on a single source of income, you are always at risk.
If you are too dependent on a person for happiness, what if that person goes out of your life?
What will you do then?
Can you see it?
The more independent you are, the happier you will be.
Lesson #3: Don’t give more priority to any person than your ultimate purpose.
The problem is:
Most men think that their relationship will suffer if they don’t prioritize their women.
But that’s not true entirely.
When you give too much priority to a woman, you lose respect in her eyes.
Your woman may want your attention, but deep down, she doesn’t want you to leave your purpose and spend your entire life paying attention to her and satisfying her needs.
A man without a purpose is shallow deep down.
A relationship is a part of life.
And life is driven by purpose.
That’s why a man without a purpose can’t lead a great life. He will always be controlled by people, situations, emotions, etc., as he doesn’t know where he wants to go.
As a result, whatever situation comes in his life, he makes it his purpose.
If he enters a relationship, he feels that his purpose is to keep here woman happy all the time and satisfy her desires.
He gets manipulated.
If you don’t have a clear purpose in life, find one. It might take some time and effort to figure out what you want out of your life.
But it’s all worth it.
Your relationships must also align with your purpose.
If you choose to enter into a relationship, find a partner whose goals and ambitions are in harmony with your ultimate purpose in life.
A man’s ultimate purpose in life is to achieve freedom.
The author says that ultimate freedom is death. But you can destroy your constraints little by little and become free gradually.
Whatever purpose you choose, try to ensure that you achieve some freedom because it’s your true nature to be free and live without any constraints.
Lesson #4: Don’t try to be someone you are not while in a relationship.
Nobody likes fake people.
Sadly, most people we see today are full of superficial traits.
Everybody loves to show off on social media how extraordinary their lives are.
When we talk about relationships, a superior man never pretends to have pleasing qualities that he doesn’t have.
He is faithful to himself and his woman.
The thing is:
You may please your partner for a short time by pretending to be the person you are not.
But over time, this will only hurt you back.
One day, your partner will realize your true nature or qualities.
This might even ruin the relationship that you worked so hard to sustain.
But have you thought about why people fake?
The thing is:
We all seek validation from other people.
The reason is:
We don’t understand our true nature.
Our status matters to us a lot as we are social creatures.
We hate getting rejections. We don’t like it when someone tells us about our flaws so much that we succumb to nasty tricks.
We try to build a fake person in front of other people.
We try to smile when we are not satisfied with our lives.
How can a man uncomfortable with his emotions make a woman express her true feelings?
And this is not limited to just men.
Sometimes, women also do superficial things to seek validation from men.
This game of seeking validation from others stops us from accepting our true feelings and emotions.
Instead of being honest with our partners, we tend to hide our ugly thoughts behind a fake smile.
We suppress our genuine emotions, so much so that we accept our fake thoughts.
And nobody realizes how dangerous and unhealthy this is if you’ve to build a good relationship.
Most people think that love is all about fulfilling desires and expectations.
But this is not true!
Love is about not putting constraints on a person to fulfill our selfish desires. It’s about being responsible and accepting our true nature. It’s about embracing freedom.
If you put your partner or family member under the pressure of your selfish expectations, you are not a superior man. It’s the trait of a shallow man who is just pretending to love.
Lesson #5: “Don’t change your mind to please a woman. Stick to your mission.”
Relationships sometimes demand things that you don’t want to do.
So many people compromise on things that stop them from achieving their dreams.
Many men give up on their goals just to please their women and seek validation of being a superior men.
A superior man is always close to his true self.
He is faithful to himself.
It’s not like he doesn’t care about her woman. He doesn’t compromise his true identity.
When you try to please a person at the expense of your mission in life, you dissolve your identity.
Put in simple words: you become like a marketplace.
There is nothing that is yours.
People may manipulate you, as you have no fixed center in your life.
As a result, the individual suffers.
Your mission must be tightly aligned with your true self.
If a woman is trying to displace you from your core, she is not a good partner.
As we discussed, no matter how beautiful your woman looks, the source of your happiness must not be there.
Your source is within you. Your woman has her core.
The author suggests that you choose a partner that complements you.
In an ideal relationship, both man and woman try to complement each other.
Neither man nor woman is trying to bring a massive shift in each other’s mission.
Their goals are tightly aligned.
Trying to please each other is not a natural state.
A superior man constantly endeavors to improve and seeks truth.
He doesn’t accept false expectations to please her woman.
Although women might not like it, they value and appreciate this quality deep down.
And if a woman doesn’t, it only means that she has a short-term vision about her relationship.
In short: Don’t play the game of pleasing your woman. Stick to your mission and take responsibility for your life.
Lesson #6: “Man seeks freedom. Women seek love and fulfillment.”
The author says that man seeks freedom while women seek love.
Let me explain.
In the book, the author gives examples of sports.
If you look at any sport, you will see that you achieve victory whenever you fulfill a specific condition after overcoming the challenges.
For instance, hitting six in cricket is highly celebrated as nobody can catch the ball. There is a sense of freedom in that.
Hitting a goal in football is highly celebrated as it’s hard to beat all those defenders and ultimately get the ball past the goalkeeper.
A superior man loves challenges in life.
He wants to overcome all the obstacles and achieve victory.
A victory is the symbol of freedom.
That’s why you notice that men like adventures.
Getting new experiences is thrilling for men.
On the flip side, women seek love, says the author.
She doesn’t worry too much about freedom.
The author talks about how men want to sleep after having s@x. But women want to talk and feel more loved.
This is also a secret to how you can deal with women better.
If you know what women seek deep inside their hearts, you can embrace their feminine qualities profoundly.
But as we discussed earlier, both men and women have masculine and feminine qualities.
So you can’t say that women don’t seek freedom and men don’t seek love.
Women are more emotional than men, but it doesn’t mean that women can’t use logic and physical strength.
The key is balancing and managing these qualities to make our lives better.
Understand what is essential for your woman at a given time. It might look impossible, but it’s possible with practice.
Lesson #7: “What women say is not exactly what women feel.”
As we discussed, women are more emotional than men.
And it’s tough to deal with emotions.
Sometimes, what women say through their words is not the same as what they feel.
They might say, “I hate you!”
But at the same time, they might not feel that way.
It sounds weird, but it’s true.
An average person would become infuriated after listening to those curse words, but a superior man knows her woman might not feel that way.
The author believes that you shouldn’t expect your woman to fix her problems.
She has so many emotions exploding inside her mind that she gets confused and often struggles to deal with them.
If you are trying to apply logic to everything she says, you are missing the point.
A logical assessment of women won’t give you an accurate image of what women think, says the author.
Sometimes, you will feel nourished by her presence. While other times, you won’t like to be with her.
According to the author, every woman has a temperature that keeps changing.
I know it sounds weird, and there are a lot of ideas in this book that I can’t entirely agree with.
It sounds counterintuitive to the idea that both men and women are equal, doesn’t it?
It puts women inside the philosophical box that they can’t be logical and are purely emotional beings.
But this is not true.
I believe that both men and women are emotional and logical these days. This might have been true in the last few decades when women didn’t have enough exposure to the real world.
These days, women can compete with men in almost any profession.
A superior man would not judge or underestimate the qualities of her woman.
Lesson #8: There are enough women — no point chasing a particular woman if she doesn’t want to be with you.
This lesson is specifically for men.
Many men believe that there are not enough beautiful women on this planet. They have a sense of scarcity.
That’s why they feel competitive when it comes to selecting a partner.
They think that if someone else gets a beautiful wife, they will find it harder to find another.
This is not true.
There are enough men and women for everyone.
This notion that there are not enough beautiful people is wrong.
Most people don’t know the true meaning of beauty. So they carry wrong definitions of beauty in their heads. And always try to compete with each other for no reason.
The author asks us to broaden our perspective and think of women as feminine energy.
If you pay attention that nature is filled with feminine energy.
If we think of ourselves as consciousness, we are all carrying feminine energy around us all the time. The world wouldn’t exist if there were not enough feminine energy.
When you see it with an open mind, there is no need to compete for feminine energy.
The problem is:
We give so much value to how a person looks.
If a woman has a shiny symmetrical face, we think she is some goddess or queen.
And on the flip side, if someone is dark and ugly, we think she has no right to exist, which is wrong! This wicked mindset must be corrected through the proper knowledge.
The author talks about how we all are spiritually one.
Although there are differences between men and women, we are not much different spiritually.
When we don’t see reality spiritually, we discriminate based on various traits like beauty, gender, race, etc.
But the moment you see that we all are one spiritually, there is no difference.
Lesson #9: A young woman’s beauty and superficial radiance will fade away with time, but wisdom and love won’t.
Beauty is temporary.
All that shiny glamour of young women will fade away with time.
Sure, many women look beautiful when they are old despite their wrinkles. But that is not the point here.
If your sole reason for being in a relationship with a woman is her beauty, then your connection will be weak.
This is not the quality of a superior man.
A superior man thinks with both his heart and mind.
He doesn’t measure a woman’s beauty alone based on his physical appearance. He also looks at the values a woman has.
A superior man asks questions like:
- Does she have kindness?
- Does she have integrity?
- Does she have empathy for other men?
- Does she have the potential to seek truth and freedom?
- What does she want from her life? What is her ultimate goal?
- Who are her role models?
- Is she too selfish?
- Does she know the meaning of love?
- Can we complement each other’s lives?
While shallow men ask questions like:
- Can she satisfy my fetishes?
- Does she have a boyfriend?
- What if she leaves me for another good-looking man?
- How can I make her love me?
- What type of men does she find attractive?
If you notice, there is no wisdom in the questions of a shallow man. It’s short-term thinking.
A superior man looks for love and wisdom. In comparison, a shallow man looks for women who could fulfill his temporary desires.
The Way Of The Superior Man Quotes
Here are some of my favorite quotes from this book:
“The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman, not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth.”
“A woman seems to be wanting to be one of the most important things in her man’s life. But if she is the most important thing, then she feels her man has made her the #1 priority and is not fully dedicated or directed to divine growth.”
“A man’s worth can be found in the depth of his being. A shallow man, easily perturbed and swayed, is worth less to his woman and his world than a man whose presence is deeply sourced.”
The Way Of The Superior Man Book Review
Last update on 2022-02-22 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon
I ordered a paperback version of this book from Amazon.
Unfortunately, the copy I received had a bad print quality.
So, I finally decided to return this book.
I liked this book because the author has dared to talk about issues that we don’t usually talk about with other people.
We all shy away from talking about sexual desires, weird fantasies, etc.
This is also the bad thing about this book.
Criticism of this book
The author has assumptions about what women think and like.
To some readers, the author may sound stereotypical.
I, too, disagree with many of his ideas.
Many female readers may find this book disrespectful.
The thing is:
This book is a mixture of silly and philosophical ideas.
There are areas in this book where the author talks philosophically. For example, he talks about how any woman can’t fulfill all her desires.
But in the final chapters, he has stereotypical views about women.
Some ideas don’t ring true in today’s world.
Also, some people might feel that the author is trying too hard to be philosophical.
Many people complained about this book on forums and discussed how they stopped reading it after 2-3 chapters.
I think this book is repetitive and presents the author as a misogynist.
Overall, you can read this book once.
But don’t take the ideas in this book as truth.
Some ideas are prejudiced.
It depends on the reader’s mind if he likes or dislikes this book.
My rating of this book: 6/10
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Last update on 2022-02-25 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon
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