Models by Mark Manson (Book Summary & Review)

About the author

Mark Manson is a blogger, author, and entrepreneur. He is known for his blunt and honest writing style, which has helped him gain a large following on his blog and social media. His books include “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck” and “Everything is Fcked: A Book About Hope.”

Bullet Summary: Models by Mark Manson

• Don’t be a needy, desperate man, become a man of purpose and standards. But at the same time, don’t be a narcissist.
• Don’t be afraid to share your flaws and deep emotions with the women you truly love.
• Pickup lines might help you get girls, but they are not very effective in building long-term relationships.
• For women, intentions matter more than words.
• Never overinvest in women who are just beautiful but lack depth in their character.
• Demographics play a huge role in how you are perceived and the kind of women you will attract.
• No matter how many women you practice with, you will still experience fear every time you make a move.
• Effective communication is essential for building successful relationships.

Models Summary

Have you ever thought how some men find girls easily while other guys despite being nice keep struggling?

What do women want exactly?

Do they want a bad guy who disrespects them? Or are they looking for something else?

The biggest question: How to make dating easier when you don’t understand how most women think?

Whether you’re struggling in your dating life or simply looking for a fresh perspective, “Models” provides valuable insights for men of all ages.

In this article, you will learn the key lessons from the book.

The best part? The things discussed here are very practical unlike the most dating advice you find on social media.

Alrighty, so without further ado, let’s dive right in.

Lesson #1: Don’t be a needy, desperate man. become a man of purpose and standards. But at the same time, don’t be a narcissist.

The biggest turn off for women is when they see a desperate man doing them favors without knowing them first.

We have all seen man who would throw complements and buy drinks just to get some intimacy from a woman.

Seeking intimacy is a natural desire within all men.

But chasing it desperately is not something to be proud of.

There are so many things wrong when you get desperate for a woman.

First, you don’t look attractive to the woman.

If she doesn’t find you attractive, the relationship won’t work out in the long term anyway, you’ll face a lot of problems.

Second, when you are desperate for a woman, it shows that you are low value.

High value men choose and vet woman based on their values and see if the woman will be compatible with them or not.

High value men have some serious standards for themselves, which is attractive AF.

They don’t give their time to just any girl.

And girls notice this quality.

Does this mean you have to act narcisstic all the time around girls? Not really.

The author talks about how most dating advice tells you to not look needy and act like you are some cool guy who doesn’t care at all.

Well, some narcisstic girls may find this attractive, but remember “like attracts like” when it comes to dating and relationships.

Another problem is:

Sooner or later, your true self will be revealed.

If you are pretending to be a narcissistic guy to attract girls, you will come across as fake. This can eventually end your relationship and waste a lot of time.

Moreover, narcissism is bad for everybody.

Narcissists are individuals who primarily think about themselves. It is better to avoid relationships with such personalities because they lack empathy. Unless you want to invite a lot of emotional pain, it is best to avoid narcissists if possible.

Rather than pretending and acting as the dating gurus suggest, practice being authentic.

This is a clever strategy.

It’s not just about being a nice person.

Authenticity ensures that you attract the right people into your life.

If you are a nerd, don’t act like a player.

Embrace your personality and improve it.

Don’t change your personality just to win the approval of a hot girl.

If she likes dogs but you don’t, don’t be afraid to tell her.

Is she likes to travel places, but you prefer to sit in your home and read, don’t be afraid to tell her.

Ironically, being decisive will actually make you more attractive, as others will see you as someone who knows what they want.

The girl must not feel like that you have put her on pedestal and will do anything for her.

She must know that you are willing to walk away any time if the standards or values are not met and respected.

The author says:

“Love yourself. Otherwise, no one else will.” ~Mark Manson

Lesson #2: Don’t be afraid to share your flaws and deep emotions with the women you truly love.

Society teaches men not to express their emotions.

So they all act tough even when they are beaten inside by the harsh reality of life.

The idea that you’ll be perceived as weak if you show your true emotion isn’t always right.

In fact, it’s sometimes shows that you are strong enough to be vulnerable

Vulnerability is attractive.

But yes, if you go around telling sad stories all the time, nobody will find you attractive.

It’s more about whether you are being genuine or not.

If you are a needy man, and you’re playing vulnerable, girls will sense it.

In fact, the author says trying to trick women using these fancy tactics is narcisstic and does more harm to the relationships than good.

Then what is vulnerability exactly?

Vulnerability is about having the courage to accept your flaws and not hide them from other people.

It’s about becoming non-needy in front of girls.

If you do this right, you’ll be portray qualities like courage, maturity, etc. Girls always find men with these qualities attractive.

That’s because successful men often have these qualities.

As most successful people already have what they want, they don’t act needy in front of other people.

It’s true that not all successful show vulnerability, but the real successful people don’t shy away from addressing their flaws in the public.

Once you have become comfortable with your flaws, you’ll find it easier to express who you are.

Usually, these are the people who aren’t afraid of rejections with women.

Men fear rejection from women because they worry too much about women’s opinions of them. Which doesn’t really help.

The more you care about others’ opinion, the more you fear, and the more desperate you become.

Lesson #3: Pickup lines might help you get girls, but they don’t help much in the long-term relationships.

Many people think that using a clever or witty pickup line is a good way to start a conversation with someone they are interested in.

However, research shows that pickup lines are often ineffective and can even backfire in dating situations.

Here are some reasons why pickup lines don’t work in dating:

• Pickup lines are impersonal and generic. They don’t show that you have paid attention to the other person’s profile, appearance, or interests. They also make you seem like you use the same line on everyone, which can be a turn-off for potential partners.
• Pickup lines are superficial and shallow. They usually focus on physical appearance or sexual innuendo, which can be offensive or inappropriate for some people. They also don’t reveal anything about your personality, values, or goals, which are more important factors for building a connection with someone.

Instead of using pickup lines, try to start a conversation with something more genuine and relevant. For example, you can comment on something you noticed in their profile, ask them an open-ended question, or share something about yourself that relates to their interests.

This way, you can show that you are interested in them as a person, not just as an object of attraction.

Women usually think with their emotions.

Even the best pickup line in the world won’t sway a woman if she doesn’t see you as an attractive man who can provide her with a good time.

The author says that it’s much better if you become attractive for real by working on yourself instead of learning pickup lines that don’t help much in the long term.

Just think about it.

For how long will you keep acting?

If she likes you, then it has to be the real you.

What’s the point if she likes your fake version instead of the real?

Learning pickup lines and winning girls for fun just for short-term fun is a bad strategy no matter how smart it sounds.

This approach is typically favored by people with short-term thinking.

Lesson #4: Intentions matter more than words, especially for women.

You might be thinking that if pickup lines aren’t the answer, then what option does a man have?

What should men say to women to win them over?

Well, instead of thinking what line to say and what to do, you have to speak with authenticity and honesty.

If she doesn’t like it, then don’t bother.

Find another who likes what you say.

It’s really that simple.

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who wouldn’t understand or accept your words and intentions?

Women can sense your intentions.

For example, if you are complementing her just to win her over, she will sense that you don’t really appreciate her but using complementing to achieve your selfish goals.

Moreover, lot of beautiful women are used to getting complements. So they know when the complement is genuine and when it’s not.

So don’t try to play smart with your words.

When you try too hard with your words, it only tells women that you have nothing else to show off. That turns them off.

Just think about why women find successful people like athletes, businessmen, etc. very attractive.

Those guys won’t waste their time thinking about what lines to say to a woman.

If a man of high-status is romantically interested in a woman, he will simply express his interest through words.

That’s the real thing.

Become a high value man so that you don’t have to play silly games with women.

Lesson #5: Never overinvest in women who are just beautiful and lack depth in their character.

If you go to a partyclub or a place where lot of girls accumulate, you’ll get to meet a lot of them.

There is no shortage of beautiful girls on the planet.

But if you’re smart, you’ll do what the author did.

He only talked to women who had depth in their character.

If there is a super hot girl in front of you, but she doesn’t know how to respect people, you’re better off without here. It’s as simple as that.

Simps tend to overinvest in beautiful women and ultimately get either friendzoned or ignored.

Girls don’t like guys who don’t have the courage to express their intentions.

Needy people think that if they become a girl’s friend and help her a lot, she will someday come to realization that she loves them.

But we all know that doesn’t happen.

Either she is into you or she is not.

Don’t keep texting her if she doesn’t bother to reply you.

Use that same time to build yourself up.

Invest that time in yourself.

Don’t expect that beautiful girl to change her mind. She has so many options available to her all the time. And usually she has so many guys texting her and validating her.

Remember girls are also human beings. It’s normal for them to get nervous and make bad decisions. That’s why you often see so many beautiful women with wrong guys.

Then there are other guys who only get into relationship because it looks cool.

It’s not cool to seek validation and superficial attention of a beautiful woman just to improve your status.

Smart men focus on things that matter more than money and looks.

Although they are important initially to grab attention, they aren’t everything when we talk about relationships.

Relationships are hard work.

Not all women will be compatible with you.

If you get into a relationship with an incompatible women, you’re preparing yourself for emotional disaster.

It’s okay to meet women and talk to them.

But before you think about relationship, always ask “Is she compatible with me?”

“Does she show any receptivity? Or am I the only one putting effort into this?”

If the attraction is only one-sided, you’re probably wasting your time trying to get the attention of a woman who doesn’t feel the same way about you.

Most people who do this have a scarcity mindset.

They think that if they don’t get that particular women, they won’t find any.

They commit sunk cost fallacy and overinvest their time, energy, and money in one woman without thinking first.

So don’t be a simp. Be a man.

If she doesn’t like you or rejects you, tell her “It was nice to meet you.” and move on.

Lesson #6: Demographics play a huge rule in how you are perceived and the kind of women you will attract.

Demographics.

Once you understand this term, your dating life and how you think about women will change.

Demographic information includes things like: age, race, ethnicity, gender, marital status, income, education, employment, etc.

Probably, all your past failures happened because most men (in general) don’t understand demographics very well.

They approach girls who have a different demographic than them. It’s alright to do so, but it significantly reduces the attraction and creates friction.

The simple rule is: If she doesn’t connect with you and doesn’t see any compatibility, the relationship will not work.

Desperate men would welcome any women in their lives.

But they will keep struggling as they don’t understand these basic principles.

The key principle is: Like attracts like.

The author recommends that you choose a women where there is less friction.

Less friction means that you both share similar values. And you have similar demographics.

When there is less friction, things become much easier. Less effort is involved.

If you rock in your demographics, then you naturally become super attractive.

You will notice that such a woman will be more receptive to your actions or moves. For example, if you touch her, she will lean closer to you instead of pulling away.

The author suggests that you become coolest person in your favorable demographic and dominate it.

Your perceived value will increase dramatically that way.

The author says that all girls are looking for that attractive man who they can look up to and respect.

But kindly note that attraction is subjective and depends on the context and situation.

A nerdy guy wearing glasses with messy hairs might look attractive to a girl who values education and intelligence. But that same nerd will be uncool to a girl who doesn’t value education and enjoys partying at late night clubs.

Having similar demographics works in your favor.

That’s why it’s essential to conduct self-analysis before you start dating girls.

Find some time to think about what are your interests and what kind of women do you want in your life.

And then think about where such a woman will likely be hanging out.

Remember, these are not games.

You are simply increasing the likelihood of finding the right person.

Choosing the correct demographics is crucial.

Lesson #7: No matter how many women you practice with, you will still experience fear every time.

Fear is an unsettling emotion.

A lot of men fear getting rejected.

And even when they are in relationship, they have so many unprocessed fears.

Some fear that their first kiss will be terrible.

Some fear that their girlfriend will leave them. That they won’t find any other girl after that.

Lot of men fear wasting their time and money. What if she decides to leave for some silly reason?

The author talks about how he has practiced with a lot of women. He has met so many of them. And did things.

But he realized that no matter how many girls he meets and no matter how much he practices talking to women, fear of rejection or fear of being abandoned is always there.

The thing is: Fear never goes away. It’s going to be there in your head.

Hopefully, the more you get good at your game and understanding your mind, the more comfortable you get at dealing with those scary thoughts.

You have to basically master the communication with Self and with the woman you are interested in.

The author also talks about how failure to communication can end any good possible relationship.

Imagine a situation where both the man and the woman are interested in each other, but they are not communicating their thougths clearly.

Now again, imagine a situation where the man or the woman is lost in his or her thoughts and does not know what they want in a relationship.

So you don’t just need to master the communication with the other gender. You also need to master how you communicate with yourself in your mind.

Both of them are super important for any relationship to blossom.

It’s also worth mentioning that communication can be of different types.

You have to communicate both verbally and also physically with consent.

The author explains how most men don’t show the courage to communicate physically with touch and never build any tension. They are afraid of rejection. Most of the times, they are shy and afraid. They imagine all kinds of bad-scenarios as soon as they think about making any moves.

Lot of this is belief problem and bad conditoning. They think that women don’t enjoy getting physical.

But the truth is: They do. But with someone they desire badly and find attractive. Of course, there are other factors too, but they don’t matter that much when the desire is strong.

The author has written a dedicated chapter on this thing without holding anything back.

If you are interested in learning those things, then buy the book.

“Models by Mark Manson” Book Review

Praise

• The book is very funny. I finished the entire book in one sitting. Every chapter of the book had interesting stories to keep me hooked.
• I loved the author’s writing style. Very simple to understand. Gets to the point quickly. Doesn’t shy away from saying talking about taboo topics.
• The advice author gives is much better than the dating advice most gurus give on YouTube.
• The author is experienced and teaches philosophy himself. So he knows what he is talking about.

Criticism

• Book is written mostly for male audience. Women may find a few things offending. Especially, if you are feminist with extreme views, you might not enjoy this book.

Who is this book for?

• Anyone struggling in their dating life.
• Men who want to understand the dating game.
• People who are interesting in long-term relationships and not just casual fun.
• Nice guys wondering why they aren’t getting girls.
• Guys who think that they don’t have a chance if they don’t look super attractive.

Buy the book

You can buy the book in your preferable format below.

Get the Audiobook: Listen free with Audible Trial

Get the Paperback version: View price on Amazon

Other books by the same author

Everything is F*cked

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Read the book summary of The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck

Now it’s your turn

What did you think of the book?

Did you find the lessons helpful?

Have you implemented any of the strategies in your dating life?

Let me know in the comments below!