The Mastery Of Love Summary discusses why most of us are emotionally wounded due to our false beliefs and how we can heal our wounds using the power of love. And thus make our relationships with our family and friends better.
The Mastery Of Love Summary [PDF]
Ever thought why do we keep judging ourselves for every little thing?
Why do most relationships lack happiness?
How do we create more Self-love?
This book summary will answer such questions.
In this book summary, I’ve shared the best lessons I learned from this book, which is The Mastery Of Love by Miguel Ruiz.
This is the second book I’m summarizing by the same author.
Previously, I summarized The Voice Of Knowledge that talked about the Toltec wisdom.
While this book summary focuses more on our relationships with Self as well as others.
So without further ado…
Let’s dive right in!
Lesson #1: We all are mentally sick and wounded due to our false beliefs and opinions
It might sound harsh.
But it’s the truth.
The author says that we all have some kind of mental sickness.
But the irony here is that it’s not visible with the naked eyes.
Only people with wisdom can see through that thick skull of ours.
Our minds are full of fear, guilt, shame, self-judgments, opinions about others, etc.
And all of this is so rooted inside our minds that we believe that what we think is real.
We carry those false ideas in our heads and try to impress the same on others.
So this mental disease is contagious.
It spreads like crazy.
We talk about other diseases and take them seriously, but we always fail to realize the biggest disease of all time.
It’s the mental sickness that has brought suffering to humanity.
Even most of the new physical diseases are here due to our mental illness or stupidity.
We are not supposed to be this way.
Our nature is to be happy. To be beautiful.
But are we like that?
Are we all blissful and enlightened?
I doubt so…
We are afraid to reflect on our ideas and investigate if they are true or not.
And this fear keeps eating us from within and makes us mentally weak.
Why can’t our minds be like two or three-year-old children?
Why can’t we feel empty, light, and playful inside our minds?
This inquiry takes to the conclusion that it’s because we are holding on to false beliefs.
Those beliefs rule over us. They don’t allow us to see the truth.
In reality, we all are beautiful.
But our knowledge makes us think that we lack something. That we don’t deserve to be happy.
Just watch any adult. They all have secrets that they don’t want to share with other people.
With experience, we learned that vulnerability is weakness.
Everybody lies because TRUTH sometimes makes us vulnerable.
Why does speaking the truth make us vulnerable?
That’s because there is a huge mess inside our minds that we don’t want to accept.
There is self-judgment and self-criticism.
At some point in our lives, we learn that respect and power mean everything.
So we blindly start pursuing them without even realizing which tendencies of our mind are working behind this.
We create fake personalities to gain respect in society.
That’s the reason why there are many fake people in the world.
We don’t get satisfied with just one fake image.
There are many…
One for school, One for office, One for friends, One for family, One for ourselves, etc.
And guess what do these images bring us? Suffering.
If you just focus on who you are in reality, you won’t bring unnecessary suffering to you.
I don’t mean to say that if you just stop projecting images, you will never suffer.
There is already so much pain and suffering. So why invite more?
Why invite more conflicts and drama to our lives?
Shouldn’t we stop pretending what we are not?
Who will heal all those mental wounds that we or the society has inflicted on ourselves as well as others?
Will God heal them?
Or can we heal them ourselves?
Someone has to take the responsibility, right?
We can’t play victim all the time.
Lesson #2: The sense of injustice takes away the innocence from children
In the 2nd chapter, the author talks about the domestication of children.
A newborn child is full of innocence and love.
But by the time he becomes a teenager, parents and society start throwing their opinions on him.
One can’t deny that there is a lot of injustice in this world.
Bad people have an unfair advantage over good people.
People who shouldn’t have POWER have all the power in the world.
By the word “power,” I mean money and capital.
People who favor truth face consequences. Nobody likes them.
That’s because we fear the truth. So we hide behind the lies.
When children see the acts of injustice, the author says, they lose their innocence — little by little.
Which is obviously not a great thing, or is it?
Kids watch their parents fighting with each other over silly issues.
And then those same kids are taught that “fighting is wrong.”
This creates a conflict inside their minds.
They don’t understand such concepts.
Guess what happens then?
There is an impression of injustice on the child’s mind as we don’t remember facts or concepts. We remember how we feel.
Emotions win over logic most of the time.
There is nothing wrong with emotions.
It’s just that if there is any conflict between emotions and logic, we tend to go along with emotions.
So what does a little kid do when he feels a sense of injustice? He gets an emotional wound.
And that wound keeps growing over time.
By the time he becomes an adult, he has lost his love.
He has lost touch with his true nature.
That’s one of the reasons that adults find it hard to trust other people.
Just think about it…
Where do we learn how to lie?
Where do we learn the concepts of right and wrong?
We get it from other people.
And these concepts take our innocence away from us.
The emotional wounds that we get produce a sense of fear and guilt within us.
Lesson #3: Your happiness is your business. Take charge of it.
In the 3rd chapter, the author talks about happiness and relationships.
First, let’s talk about happiness.
Often people find it hard to feel happy.
They think that happiness is somewhere outside.
So they hunt for it. They consume products. They look for other people to satisfy their need for happiness.
Do they ever find happiness? No. And there is a reason for it.
The question is:
Do we even need to find happiness?
Happiness is a human need. No doubt.
But the concepts we have about happiness are wrong.
There is an underlying assumption that we are not happy by default. So we think that we have to look for it in other places — other than us.
It’s no surprise we struggle to find it.
The point is:
Happiness is in our nature if we just realize it.
Never put your happiness in other people’s hands.
Because when you are trying to find happiness outside, you are looking in the wrong place.
And trusting other people with your happiness is a big mistake. Because they can make you sad if you don’t fulfill their needs.
In any relationship if two persons are hunting for happiness outside them, they are going to find more pain.
Your happiness is your business.
And only you can take the best care of it.
Let other people handle their happiness.
Don’t expect the other person to make you happy.
A healthy relationship is one where two or more people have free will. There are no obligations.
When you have expectations in a relationship, it loses freedom. Someone has to compromise.
And when you compromise, you lose a bit of happiness.
Another thing is:
Happiness should not be the priority. Blissful Living is better.
Happiness is still the dopamine rush you feel inside your brain.
When your desire is fulfilled, you feel happy.
But it’s still short-term thinking.
Blissful living is entirely different. And that is what I think the author recommends.
You become blissful when you realize that your true nature is to love.
You are already beautiful, to begin with.
What makes our minds ugly are the false concepts that we pick up during our childhood.
The takeaway here is:
Stop find happiness outside. It’s already within you if you dig deeper and realize it.
No matter how much your partner loves you, you can’t be truly happy unless you dig deeper.
Don’t put the burden of your needs and expectations on other people. And, if possible, ask them to do the same.
Lesson #4: No relationship is perfect. So stop trying to change your partner all the time.
A perfect relationship is a myth.
In an ideal sense, if a relationship has to be perfect, then the people involved in a relationship must be mind readers.
And we all know it: It only happens in the movies.
You can’t be the Professor X. (Like in the X-Men movies)
The content of everyone’s mind is different.
If you look at it, there is always some drama going inside our heads.
But they are not the same.
Both the dramas are different.
And this drama is the problem. They cause conflicts in any relationship.
Let me explain…
The drama causes confusion. It drains your mental energy.
So a little energy is left to understand the drama going inside your partner’s head.
There will always be a difference.
If you are too involved in your drama, you will try to fit every person or situation into that.
But your partner has nothing to do with it.
The thing is:
We get so involved in our mess that we start trying to change other people.
And this is pure selfishness.
Surprisingly, we start calling this love.
Love has nothing to do with selfishness. Instead, they are opposite to each other.
Love is liberating. While Selfishness is binding.
Everyone must understand the difference between love and possessiveness.
Most people try to control the other person in the name of love.
The reason is, we all want happiness.
But as we know, happiness is a by-product of love. You don’t have to control your partner to achieve that.
A person who truly loves other people understands and respects the differences.
He doesn’t force his drama or opinions on the other person.
Another thing you should learn is that:
If a person is angry, it doesn’t mean that he or she hates you personally.
Keep in mind that we all have mental issues to deal with.
Although we don’t discuss them with other people, they put a toll on our minds.
If a person is not behaving right with you, have some empathy and understand that he is hurt inside. He needs more love than ever.
But do we really think like that? I don’t think so.
As soon as we hear something that goes against our rigid beliefs, we start opposing it.
We try our best to guard our opinions.
We don’t want to get hurt.
And that’s okay in a sense. We are programmed to act this way.
But still, we can take an initiative and try to change this impulsive behavior.
When you start seeing everything as one, you realize and accept the differences.
You start seeing the emotional wounds of other people.
That is love!
Love is not about being selfish. It’s about being empathetic.
Lesson #5: You are the Life that flows through everything in the universe.
The author says that we are the Life; we are the force that runs this universe.
By the word “Life,” he means that we are not mere bodies with a mind.
And when we talk like this, we enter into the realm of Spirituality, which is not known to many people.
Spiritual wisdom says that we are energy or life that is behind everything in the universe.
But since we are so ignorant, we never realize this thing.
We think that we are limited to just our bodies.
We think that the problems of our minds are the biggest in the world.
It’s hard to imagine and comprehend that we are a breathing universe in ourselves.
To understand this, you can think about all the cells in your body.
Think of all the cells as humans. And think of your body as a big planet or universe.
If you try to search for God, you won’t find him anywhere.
Maybe God is not what we think it is.
If we consider the example above, we are the Gods to millions of cells and bacterias that live on our bodies.
In a way, we are God to them.
This is not to feed your Ego though.
This example is to make you realize that Life is everywhere.
Only if you open your eyes and see, you will find that the entire creation is beautiful.
But again, since we are so occupied with the dramas we create, we don’t even acknowledge the beauty that is present within and around us.
If you have a clear perspective, your journey on this planet can be beautiful.
We simply need to broaden our perception.
We must look at the larger picture.
Most of our problems are due to our beliefs.
Those beliefs turn into knowledge after they mature.
And that knowledge causes unnecessary conflicts in our thoughts.
We take our thoughts seriously when they are nothing but the echo of our knowledge and experiences.
The best way to think clearly is to create some distance between our thoughts.
Once you realize this truth that you are not your thoughts. Once you see that you are the Life that runs this universe, you stop taking your inner drama seriously.
It unlocks a way to a blissful life.
When you see that you are the most complete thing in the universe, you stop feeling incomplete.
You stop feeling imperfect.
I don’t mean to say that you stop learning.
Don’t fall into that trap.
The point here is, you do everything from a sense of love and perfection.
That way, you are deliberately learning and improving yourself. You are not doing something because you have to. You are doing it because you want to.
There is a huge difference between “wanting to do something” and “have to do something.”
Always think and act from a sense of completion.
If you are doing it the other way, you will never be fulfilled.
Every pleasure will only give you momentary satisfaction.
This is something you should think about.
Lesson #6: Forgive your enemies. Let go of any grudges. And heal your emotional mind.
It’s hard to forgive our enemies.
And yes, some people don’t deserve any forgiveness.
The author doesn’t want you to forgive for the sake of it.
There is a deeper meaning.
When you keep holding to the hatred inside you, you hurt your emotional body.
That way, you lose your time and mental energy.
The best thing you can do is:
Just let go of all those bad experiences and thoughts.
Maybe your friend hurt your feelings. Maybe your dad or mom failed to stand up to your expectations.
It’s all a thing of the past.
You might be saying:
It’s easy for you to say.
But trust me, if you just let go of all that poisonous thought, you will feel much better.
Forgive all the bad deeds done by your enemies.
Not for them. But for yourself.
You don’t have to hate them to feel good.
You can feel good by having compassion for yourself.
Love is way better than hatred as it doesn’t eat you from inside.
It’s the source of all the beautiful creation.
But no matter what people say…
Most people will still prefer to hold on to a grudge.
Why? Because it hurts our pride.
But that grudge only makes us suffer more.
If you are hurting yourself, aren’t you only adding more fuel to the fire?
Your enemy wants to cause you damage.
So why not put a full stop to all that damage? Why cause yourself more pain?
If you simply try to think logically, it makes much more sense to forgive the other person and let go of that poisonous grudge that you are holding so tightly.
Lesson #7: Truth hurts because it operates on your emotional wounds.
Have you ever thought about why truth hurts so much?
It hurts because it opens up our mental wounds and carves out disease.
Think of truth as medicine.
It tastes bitter when you eat it.
But then what happens? You gradually heal and feel better.
The exact phenomenon happens when you try to fix our mental issues.
You hear the truth. It hurts. But you heal over time.
Your mental issues are solved.
They are not fixed all at once though.
It’s a slow process.
Just like you can’t expect your body to transform into a lean muscular one in just 1 day, you can’t expect a chronic mental disease to be healed overnight.
I recommend that you keep taking small doses of truth.
And it’s easy. Just keep reading good books on psychology.
Gradually, all your mental health problems will alleviate.
Most people are so afraid of the truth that they agree to live with sickness.
And no doubt, they feel dissatisfied with their lives and always keep struggling to find happiness.
Fortunately, you don’t have to be like them.
You have all the tools at your disposal.
You have all the information you need here and now to live blissfully.
The Mastery Of Love Quotes
Here are some of the notable quotes from The Mastery Of Love by Miguel Ruiz:
The whole universe is a living being that is moved by that force, and that is what you are. You are Life.
The only difference between beauty of one person and the other person is the concept of beauty that people have.
You see, everything is about belief. Whatever you believe rules our existence, rules our life.
You are not what you believe you are, because you never chose your beliefs.
The Mastery Of Love Review
Here is the critical analysis of this book:
- Packs a lot of spiritual wisdom.
- A deeper explanation of complex topics like love, forgiveness, etc.
- The ideas are simple to understand.
- The book might be useful to spiritual seekers, but keep in mind that it doesn’t go too deep in it.
- A bit repetitive in the last 4-5 chapters.
- Some ideas don’t make sense.
- The book could be more concise.
Overall, this book is better than most self-help books that have no connection with reality and are only written to make you feel good about yourself.
It’s okay to feel good as long as it’s based on facts.
But once you lose touch with reality, it’s not a great thing.
I would give this book a rating of 7/10.
Who should read this book?
If you have read The Voice Of Knowledge by the same author, you don’t need to read this book.
This book focuses on relationships by using similar concepts from the other book I just mentioned above.
Surely, this book will help you make your relationships better.
I found it much more practical than other books like “How to win friends and influence people.” I know it’s a classic bestseller of all time.
I suggest the learners focus more on the concepts rather than tips and techniques.
So yes, if you want to improve your relationships using the concepts of spirituality, go read this book. You will learn lots of cool stuff.
Now it’s your turn!
There you have it: The Mastery Of Love Summary.
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