The Mastery Of Love Summary, Quote, And Review (Commentary)

Life Love Personal Development Philosophy Spirituality

The Mastery Of Love Summary by Miguel Ruiz discusses why most of us are emotionally wounded due to our false beliefs, and how we can heal our wounds using the power of love. And thus make our relationships with our family and friends better.

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The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book
  • Great product!
  • Don Miguel Ruiz (Author)
  • English (Publication Language)
  • 210 Pages – 03/30/1999 (Publication Date) – Amber-Allen Publishing (Publisher)

Last update on 2023-09-19 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon

The Mastery Of Love Summary [PDF]

Ever thought, why do we keep judging ourselves for every little thing?

Why do most relationships lack happiness?

How do we create more Self-love?

This book summary will answer such questions.

In this book summary, I’ve shared the best lessons I learned from this book: The Mastery Of Love by Miguel Ruiz.

This is the second book I’m summarizing by the same author.

Previously, I summarized The Voice Of Knowledge, which talked about Toltec wisdom. This book summary focuses more on our relationships with Self and others.


So without further ado…

Let’s dive right in!

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Lesson #1: We all are mentally sick and wounded due to our false beliefs and opinions

a girl having mental problems

It might sound harsh.

But it’s the truth.

The author says that we all have some kind of mental sickness.

But the irony here is that it’s not visible with the naked eyes.

Only people with wisdom can see through that thick skull of ours.

Our minds are full of fear, guilt, shame, self-judgments, opinions about others, etc.

And all of this is so rooted inside our minds that we believe that “what we think” is genuine.

We carry those false ideas in our heads and try to impress those same ideas on others.

So, this mental disease is contagious.

It spreads like crazy.

We discuss other diseases and take them seriously, but we always fail to realize the most prominent condition of all time.

It’s the mental sickness that has brought suffering to humanity.

Most new physical diseases are here due to our mental illness or stupidity.

We are not supposed to be this way.

Our nature is to be happy. To be beautiful.

But are we like that?

Are we all blissful and enlightened?

I doubt so…

We are afraid to reflect on our ideas and investigate whether they are true or not.

And this fear keeps eating us from within and makes us mentally weak.

Why can’t our minds be like two or three-year-old children?

Why can’t we feel empty, light, and playful inside our minds?

This inquiry concludes that it’s because we are holding on to false beliefs.

Those beliefs rule over us. They don’t allow us to see the truth.

In reality, we all are beautiful.

But our knowledge makes us think that we lack something; we don’t deserve to be happy.

Just watch any adult. They all have secrets they don’t want to share with other people.

With experience, we learned that vulnerability is weakness.

Everybody lies because TRUTH sometimes makes us vulnerable.

Why does speaking the truth make us vulnerable?

That’s because there is a huge mess inside our minds that we don’t want to accept.

There is self-judgment and self-criticism.

We learn that respect and power mean everything at some point in our lives.

So, we blindly start pursuing them without realizing which tendencies of our minds are working behind this.

We create fake personalities to gain respect in society.

That’s the reason why there are many fake people in the world.

We don’t get satisfied with just one fake image.

There are many…

One for school, One for office, One for friends, One for family, One for ourselves, etc.

And guess what do these images bring us? Suffering.

If you just focus on who you are in reality, you won’t bring unnecessary suffering to you.

I don’t mean to imply that you will never suffer if you just stop projecting images.

There is already so much pain and suffering. So, why invite more?

Why invite more conflicts and drama into our lives?

Shouldn’t we stop pretending what we are not?

Who will heal all those mental wounds that we or the society have inflicted on ourselves and others?

Will God heal them?

Or can we heal them ourselves?

Someone has to take the responsibility, right?

We can’t play victim all the time.

Related summary: Freedom from the Known by J Krishnamurti

Lesson #2: The sense of injustice takes away the innocence of children

a kid dealing with an emotional trauma

In the 2nd chapter, the author talks about the domestication of children.

A newborn child is full of innocence and love.

But by the time he becomes a teenager, parents and society start throwing their opinions on him.

One can’t deny that there is a lot of injustice in this world.

Bad people have an unfair advantage over good people.

People who shouldn’t have POWER have all the power in the world.

By the word “power,” I mean money and capital.

People who favor truth face consequences. Nobody likes them.

That’s because we fear the truth. So, we hide behind the lies.

When children see the acts of injustice, the author says, they lose their innocence — little by little.

Which is not a great thing, or is it?

Kids watch their parents fighting with each other over silly issues.

And then those same kids are taught that “fighting is wrong.”

This creates a conflict inside their minds.

They don’t understand such concepts.

Guess what happens then?

There is an impression of injustice on the child’s mind as we don’t remember facts or concepts. We remember how we feel.

Emotions win over logic most of the time.

There is nothing wrong with emotions.

It’s just that if there is any conflict between emotions and logic, we tend to go along with feelings.

So, what does a little kid do when he feels a sense of injustice? He gets an emotional wound.

And that wound keeps growing over time.

By the time he becomes an adult, he has lost his love.

He has lost touch with his true nature.

That’s one of the reasons that adults find it hard to trust other people.

Just think about it…

Where do we learn how to lie?

Where do we learn the concepts of right and wrong?

We get it from other people.

And these concepts take our innocence away from us.

The emotional wounds that we get produce a sense of fear and guilt within us.

Related summary: The happiness trap by Russ Harris

Lesson #3: Your happiness is your business. Take charge of it.

a hand holding happiness emoji and controlling happiness

In the 3rd chapter, the author talks about happiness and relationships.

First, let’s talk about happiness.

Often people find it hard to feel happy.

Know why?

They think that happiness is somewhere outside.

So, they hunt for it. They consume products. They look for other people to satisfy their need for happiness.

Do they ever find happiness? No. And there is a reason for it.

But first…

The question is:

Do we even need to find happiness?

Happiness is a human need. No doubt.

But the concepts we have about happiness are wrong.

There is an underlying assumption that we are not happy by default. So we think that we have to look for it in other places — other than us.

It’s no surprise we struggle to find it.

The point is:

Happiness is in our nature if we just realize it.

Never put your happiness in other people’s hands.

Because when you are trying to find happiness outside, you are looking in the wrong place.

And trusting other people with your happiness is a big mistake because they can make you sad if you don’t fulfill their needs.

If two persons hunt for happiness outside them in any relationship, they will find more pain.

Your happiness is your business.

And only you can take the best care of it.

Let other people handle their happiness.

Don’t expect the other person to make you happy.

A healthy relationship is one where two or more people have free will. There are no obligations.

When you have expectations in a relationship, it loses freedom. Someone has to compromise.

And when you compromise, you lose a bit of happiness.

Another thing is:

Happiness should not be the priority. Blissful Living is better.

Happiness is still the dopamine rush you feel inside your brain.

When your desire is fulfilled, you feel happy.

But it’s still short-term thinking.

Blissful Living is entirely different. And that is what I think the author recommends.

You become blissful when you realize that your true nature is to love.

You are already beautiful, to begin with.

What makes our minds ugly are the false concepts that we pick up during our childhood.

The takeaway here is:

Stop finding happiness outside. It’s already within you if you dig deeper and realize it.

No matter how much your partner loves you, you can’t be truly happy unless you dig deeper.

Don’t put the burden of your needs and expectations on other people. And, if possible, ask them to do the same.

Related summary: The courage to be disliked by Ichiro Kishimi

Lesson #4: No relationship is perfect. So stop trying to change your partner all the time.

a couple fighting over silly issues

A perfect relationship is a myth.

In an ideal sense, if a relationship has to be perfect, then the people involved must be mind readers.

And we all know it: It only happens in the movies.

You can’t be the Professor X. (Like in the X-Men movies)

The content of everyone’s mind is different.

If you look at it, there is always some drama going inside our heads.

But they are not the same.

Both the dramas are different.

And this drama is the problem. They cause conflicts in any relationship.

Let me explain…

The drama confuses you. It drains your mental energy.

So, a little energy is left to understand the drama going inside your partner’s head.

There will always be a difference.

If you are too involved in your drama, you will try to fit every person or situation into that.

But your partner has nothing to do with it.

The thing is:

We get so involved in our mess that we start changing other people.

And this is pure selfishness.

Surprisingly, we start calling this love.

Love has nothing to do with selfishness. Instead, they are opposite to each other.

Love is liberating. While selfishness is binding.

Everyone must understand the difference between love and possessiveness.

Most people try to control the other person in the name of love.

The reason is we all want happiness.

But as we know, happiness is a by-product of love. You don’t have to control your partner to achieve that.

A person who truly loves other people understands and respects the differences.

He doesn’t force his drama or opinions on the other person.

Another thing you should learn is that:

If a person is angry, it doesn’t mean that they hate you personally.

Keep in mind that we all have mental issues to deal with.

Although we don’t discuss them with other people, they put a toll on our minds.

If a person is not behaving right with you, have some empathy and understand that he is hurt inside. He needs more love than ever.

But do we think like that? I don’t think so.

We start opposing it when we hear something against our rigid beliefs.

We try our best to guard our opinions.

We don’t want to get hurt.

And that’s okay in a sense. We are programmed to act this way.

But still, we can take the initiative and try to change this impulsive behavior.

When you start seeing everything as one, you realize and accept the differences.

You start seeing the emotional wounds of other people.

That is love!

Love is not about being selfish. It’s about being empathetic.

Related summary: The way of the superior man by David Deida

Lesson #5: You are the Life that flows through everything in the universe.

a person meditating near a beach

The author says that we are the life; we are the force that runs this universe.

By “Life,” he means that we are not mere bodies with a mind.

And when we talk like this, we enter into the realm of Spirituality, which is unknown to many people.

Spiritual wisdom says that we are the energy or life behind everything in the universe.

But since we are so ignorant, we never realize this thing.

We think that we are limited to just our bodies.

We think that the problems of our minds are the biggest in the world.

It’s hard to imagine and comprehend that we are a breathing universe in ourselves.

To understand this, you can think about all the cells in your body.

Think of all the cells as humans. And think of your body as a giant planet or universe.

If you try to search for God, you won’t find him anywhere.

Maybe God is not what we think it is.

Considering the example above, we are the Gods to millions of cells and bacteria that live in our bodies.

In a way, we are God to them.

This is not to feed your Ego, though.

This example is to make you realize that life is everywhere.

If you open your eyes, you’ll see that the entire creation is beautiful.

We are so occupied by the dramas we create that we don’t even acknowledge the beauty present within and around us.

If you have a clear perspective, your journey on this planet can be beautiful.

We simply need to broaden our perception.

We must look at the larger picture.

Most of our problems are due to our beliefs.

Those beliefs turn into knowledge after they mature.

And that knowledge causes unnecessary conflicts in our thoughts.

We take our thoughts seriously when they are nothing but the echo of our knowledge and experiences.

The best way to think is to create some distance between our thoughts.

Once you realize this truth, you are not your thoughts. Once you see that you are the life that runs this universe, you stop taking your inner drama seriously.

It unlocks a way to a blissful life.

You stop feeling incomplete when you see that you are the whole thing in the universe.

You stop feeling imperfect.

I don’t mean to imply that you stop learning.

Don’t fall into that trap.

The point here is: You do everything with a sense of love and perfection.

That way, you are deliberately learning and improving yourself. You are not doing something because you have to. You are doing it because you want to.

There is a massive difference between “wanting to do something” and “having to do something.”

Always think and act from a sense of completion.

If you do it the other way, you will never be fulfilled.

Every pleasure will only give you momentary satisfaction.

This is something you should think about.

Related summary: The power of intention by Wayne Dyer

Lesson #6: Forgive your enemies. Let go of any grudges. And heal your emotional mind.

two enemy pirates fighting with each other

It’s hard to forgive our enemies.

And yes, some people don’t deserve any forgiveness.

The author doesn’t want you to forgive for the sake of it.

There is a more profound meaning.

You hurt your emotional body when you keep holding to the hatred inside you.

That way, you lose your time and mental energy.

The best thing you can do is:

Just let go of all those bad experiences and thoughts.

Maybe your friend hurt your feelings. Perhaps your dad or mom failed to stand up to your expectations.

It’s all a thing of the past.

You might be saying:

It’s easy for you to say.

But trust me, if you just let go of all that poisonous thought, you will feel much better.

Forgive all the evil deeds done by your enemies.

Not for them. But for yourself.

You don’t have to hate them to feel good.

You can feel good by having compassion for yourself.

Love is much better than hatred, as it doesn’t eat you from inside.

It’s the source of all the beautiful creations.

But no matter what people say…

Most people will still prefer to hold on to a grudge.

Why? Because it hurts our pride.

But that grudge only makes us suffer more.

Doesn’t it?

Aren’t you only adding more fuel to the fire if you are hurting yourself?

Your enemy wants to cause you damage.

So, why not put a full stop to all that damage? Why cause yourself more pain?

It makes much more sense to forgive the other person and let go of that deadly grudge you hold so tightly if you think logically.

Lesson #7: Truth hurts because it operates on your emotional wounds.

a person repairing emotional wounds inside the mind

Have you ever thought about why truth hurts so much?

It hurts because it opens up our mental wounds and carves out disease.

Think of truth as medicine.

It tastes bitter when you eat it.

But then what happens? You gradually heal and feel better.

The exact phenomenon happens when you try to address your mental issues.

You hear the truth. It hurts. But you heal over time.

Your mental issues are solved.

They are not fixed all at once, though.

It’s a slow process.

Just like you can’t expect your body to transform into a lean muscular one in just one day, you can’t expect a chronic mental disease to be healed overnight.

I recommend that you keep taking small doses of truth.

And it’s easy. Just keep reading good books on psychology.

Gradually, all your mental health problems will alleviate.

Most people are so afraid of the truth that they agree to live with sickness.

And no doubt, they feel dissatisfied with their lives and always keep struggling to find happiness.

Fortunately, you don’t have to be like them.

You have all the tools at your disposal.

You have all the information you need here and now to live blissfully.

Related summary: Your erroneous zones by Wayne Dyer

The Mastery Of Love Quotes

Here are some of the notable quotes from The Mastery Of Love by Miguel Ruiz:

The whole universe is a living being that is moved by that force, and that is what you are. You are Life.

The only difference between beauty of one person and the other person is the concept of beauty that people have.

You see, everything is about belief. Whatever you believe rules our existence, rules our life.

You are not what you believe you are, because you never chose your beliefs.

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Last update on 2023-09-19 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon

The Mastery Of Love Review

The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book
  • Great product!
  • Don Miguel Ruiz (Author)
  • English (Publication Language)
  • 210 Pages – 03/30/1999 (Publication Date) – Amber-Allen Publishing (Publisher)

Last update on 2023-09-19 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon

Here is the critical analysis of this book:

What I like:

  • Packs a lot of spiritual wisdom.
  • A more in-depth explanation of complex topics like love, forgiveness, etc.
  • The ideas are simple to understand.
  • The book might be helpful to spiritual seekers, but keep in mind that it doesn’t go too deep in it.

What I dislike:

  • A bit repetitive in the last 4 to 5 chapters.
  • Some ideas don’t make sense.
  • The book could be more concise.

Overall, this book is better than most self-help books with no connection with reality and is only written to make you feel good about yourself.

It’s okay to feel good if it’s based on facts.

But once you lose touch with reality, it’s not a great thing.

I would give this book a rating of 7/10.

Purchase this book from Amazon: Paperback | Audiobook

Other books by the same author

Last update on 2024-03-02 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon

Who should read this book?

If you have read The Voice Of Knowledge by the same author, you don’t need to read this book.

This book focuses on relationships using similar concepts from the other book I mentioned above.

Indeed, this book will help you strengthen your relationships.

I found it much more practical than other books like “How to win friends and influence people.” I know it’s a classic bestseller of all time.

I suggest the learners focus more on the concepts than tips and techniques.

So yes, if you want to strengthen your relationships using the concepts of Spirituality, read this book. You will learn lots of cool stuff.

Get your copy on Amazon: Paperback | Audiobook

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FAQs about The Mastery Of Love by Miguel Ruiz

What is the Mastery of Love book about?

The Mastery Of Love is about building a solid bond with the other person such that there are no obligations, only freedom of expression.

What genre is mastery of love?

The Mastery Of Love is both in the Self-Help and Spirituality genre.

What is mastery in a relationship?

Mastery in a relationship is not about possessing the other person to fill the incompleteness within the mind. A good relationship is based on Love that comes from a sense of understanding between the two persons.

Who wrote the mastery of love?

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote the book The Mastery Of Love.

How do you master love?

You master Love by building a strong emotional or mental connection with the other person without becoming possessive.

How Long Is the Mastery of Love?

The book is 210 pages. It should take 5-6 hours to finish if you read slowly. And 2-3 hours if you read fast.

Now it’s your turn!

There you have it: The Mastery Of Love Summary.

If you enjoyed reading this book summary, share it with your friends and strengthen your friendship.

Leave a comment to let me know your thoughts.

Shami Manohar

The Brain Behind

I am Shami Manohar, the founder of WizBuskOut. My obsession with non-fiction books has fueled me with the energy to create this website. I read at least one book every week on topics such as business, critical thinking, mindset, psychology, and more.

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