Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man Summary, And Review

Mindset Personal Development Relationships

What’s in it? Quick Summary

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by Steve Harley discusses how men and women are not the same when it comes to love, relationships, intimacy, and commitment.

You can buy the book in your preferable format below.

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About the author

Steve Harvey, born in 1957 in West Virginia, is an American comedian, actor, and television personality. He is also a successful author, having written several books on relationships and personal development.

“Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” is one of his most well-known books and has been a bestseller. Harvey has also hosted several television shows, including “The Steve Harvey Show,” “Family Feud,” and “Steve Harvey’s Funderdome.”

In addition to his entertainment career, Harvey is also involved in philanthropic work, including the Steve and Marjorie Harvey Foundation, which supports youth programs in inner cities.

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man Summary

Ever thought why men always find it difficult to understand women?

Women say something else, and the men understand something else. And vice-versa.

Through this book summary of act like a lady, think like a man, written by Steve Harvey, we’ll try to find out various reasons why there is so much confusion everywhere between men and women almost all the time.

And how both men and women can work together to eliminate strife and confusion.

But before we start, let’s make it clear that these are just general ideas. And not all the things apply to all men and women.

For example, if it’s said that men are so-and-so, it doesn’t mean that all men are so-and-so.

Furthermore, these are not personal opinions. So don’t jump to conclusions quickly.

Our philosophy should be to treat everyone as a human being.

We are all like drops of a limitless ocean. Or you could also think like the 13th century Persian poet Rumi “You are not a drop in the ocean, You are the ocean in a drop.”

With that in mind, let’s get started.

Lesson #1: men think differently from women, which creates a lot of confusion.

The book discusses why there is often a disconnect between men and women.

Do you know why that happens?

That happens because both men and women want to be understood.

We often make the mistake of assuming that men and women think in the same way.

In reality, men tend to think differently than women for various reasons.

At first glance, it seems that both men and women desire similar things, such as a successful career, a luxurious car, a loving partner, and so on.

However, the motivation behind all those desires is different.

They just think and feel differently about the same things.

Men are more focused on their achievements.

It can be difficult for men to feel valued if they don’t make a decent income, excel at something, and maintain a fit body.

Perhaps this is because men have traditionally been the providers in most cases, although things are changing rapidly these days. Both men and women now contribute to the financial support of their families.

However, it is worth considering the historical context here. Note that the book was published in 2009, and since then, much has changed.

In the past, men were expected to go to war and provide for their families. They were supposed to be strong and wealthy to have influence and power. Women, on the other hand, were generally expected to focus on their families.

In fact, the way men and women express love is also very different, says the author in one of the chapters.

Men often find it difficult to focus on both love and relationships simultaneously.

If they focus too much on love, but not on career, they face the consequences. Because again, society values men who are wealthy and influential.

Women are often attracted to men who are wealthy, influential, dedicated, and physically attractive.

The author discusses how society places an expectation on men to become successful and excel in something from the moment they are born.

It is true that women are also expected to fulfill many roles and responsibilities. But the burden of achieving something big is put more on men generally.

By their very nature, men and women often find each other confusing, even though they seem to want similar things.

Their perspective is very different.

If you are a woman, understand that just because a man is not focusing on the relationship, it doesn’t mean there is no love. He may be under pressure to achieve something, which is taking up his attention.

And if you’re a man, understand that women feel differently, they are not always as straightforward as you. They are rather complicated and may require more time to process and communicate their thoughts and feelings.

Understanding the other person is the key.

To understand, simply, one has to let go of all the expectations and assumptions. Only then it’s possible to build a strong understanding.

Lesson #2: men love differently compared to women.

Both women and men are capable of love.

But women love differently compared to men.

A woman might send lots of text messages to a man she likes.

While a man might sometimes not even bother to respond because he is busy at work.

But this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like her woman. It’s just that men don’t like to talk much, they would better focus on their work and become rich so that they provide more care and resources to the family.

Simple and straightforward thinking!

The problem is: many women expect a similar behavior from men, and when they don’t respond in an expected behavior, there is a tension.

The vice versa is also true: women sometimes expect men to act in certain ways. For instance, a woman might want her man to talk about the mundane aspects of life.

You know, things like “how she and her friend had a small dispute and how they are not talking to each other for a few days.

Misunderstandings can be a source of friction and tension in any relationship. However, when it comes to gender differences, these misunderstandings can be even more pronounced and difficult to navigate.

Misunderstandings, no matter how small, can accumulate over time. This can lead to situations where both men and women find themselves completely at odds with each other.

Despite having good intentions and making efforts to communicate better, situations can sometimes spiral out of control.

Women expect men to love in the same way, but their expressions of love differ greatly.

The author lists three ways that demonstrate a man’s love for a woman.

  1. Profess. The man wouldn’t hesitate much to introduce you to a group and profess his love.
  2. Provide. This one is true, if a man is providing anything for you, you should know he cares for you. Because men express their love by providing.
  3. Protect. This one is obvious, a man who cares will protect you, no matter how hard it is.

It’s important to recognize the different ways that men and women think and communicate, and to approach these differences with patience and understanding.

Lesson #3: men often find themselves struggling to balance their careers and relationships.

Men often find themselves in a strange conundrum. They want to become an alpha male by working hard on their careers. Because that’s how they are judged all the time.

Just think about it, if you were to judge a man, what questions would you ask?

You may ask things like:

  • What do you do?
  • How much money do you make?
  • What are your hobbies or passions?

And these things, when asked over time, give a signal to men that their worth depends on these things. That if they’re not on top of their game, nobody will value them. And if that happens, they won’t be able to attract high-quality women.

So, they start improving themselves, but again, it’s a challenge because when you’re working on a business or hobby, it’s difficult to spend time on friendships or relationships.

Considering the competition these days, it’s just very hard to do both successfully.

And due to this, men often make compromises based on what they want the most.

You’ll hardly find very focused men hanging out with women every second day of the week.

In fact, many men become so obsessed with their careers that they sometimes forget about their health and relationships entirely.

What can women learn from all of this?

According to the author, women should avoid creating their own definitions of love and instead strive to see the full picture.

Love has no particular form or method.

Don’t assume that love must always resemble what you see in romantic movies.

Each person expresses love uniquely based on their personality.

Lesson #4: Men are simple and straightforward compared to women.

What a person wants from another person is never easy to answer.

But considering the context of this book, men and women are not the same.

Women are more complicated for men.

It’s a challenge for men to figure out what women want.

There are just so many things to consider.

But according to the author, for women, things are simpler when it comes to figuring out men, as most men want mainly three things from them.

And those are:

  1. Support. All men need emotional support from their women. ****
  2. Loyalty. A man will never want his woman to take someone else’s side. He would want her to be loyal at any time more than anything else.
  3. Sex. That’s just how men are wired. While both women and men want it, men need it more actively due to various factors.

In other words, if a man gets all three of these things, it is very unlikely that he won’t love his woman.

If you pay attention to the cheating that occurs in relationships, you will find that a lack of one of the above things is usually the reason.

Men tend to be less patient in relationships compared to women, as women prefer to take things slower in any relationship.

In comparison, men are not as good at controlling their desires.

Lesson #5: Women like to talk more compared to men, and men often find this weird because they’d rather do something about the problem instead of talking.

Well, women like to talk.

Sometimes, they talk even when they don’t have to.

Which is a beautiful thing, of course. Because talking is therapeutic, after all, isn’t it?

But for men, it’s difficult to talk for long hours unless it’s about something serious.

Usually, men don’t gossip as much as women.

If you talk for long hours with a man, he will say something like, “Why are you wasting my time?”

According to the author, men tend to fix problems rather than talk about them. This is simply part of their nature.

So if you are a woman, and your man isn’t interested in talking much about it, don’t think that you’re not heard, it’s just that most men don’t have that kind of patience.

They want quick solutions.

On the other side, women like to talk more because they have to process their emotions. And emotions aren’t something you can just process quickly.

And men should also respect this because women like to feel more comfortable first when handling a problem.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons why men can become friends quickly and fall in love almost instantly if they feel attracted to someone.

Women may take longer to form friendships or fall in love, potentially due to their ability to better control, hide, or manage their desires.

Lesson #6: Both men and women must be very clear about what they want in a relationship.

Effective communication is the key to building a good relationship.

Often, women fail to effectively communicate their feelings and desires. Even when they do, men may not be interested in listening, finding the conversation uninteresting.

Furthermore, women may sometimes send mixed signals, which can complicate matters for many men.

So, what’s the solution to this problem?

It’s better that women tell men what they don’t like more.

This will allow men to think properly.

Women have many expectations from men, which can be confusing for men.

When entering a relationship, both men and women should communicate and keep things simple by asking questions such as:

  • What are your views on relationships?
  • What are your short-term and long-term goals?
  • How do you feel about us?
  • How serious are you about this relationship?

These questions may seem uncomfortable at first, but they ensure that both parties are on the same page.

Listening is also important here.

Simply asking these questions won’t be very helpful if you’re not actively listening to each other.

Many people talk without really listening. As a result, even though they may talk a lot, partners may not effectively understand each other.

Many couples ignore these questions in the beginning and are later surprised by the consequences.

Surprises are wonderful, but they should be manageable, right?

Bullet Summary: Recap of What We Discussed

  • Men and women think differently, which often leads to confusion and misunderstandings.
  • Men love differently than women do, and it’s important to recognize and understand those differences.
  • Men often feel torn between their career and their relationships, and it can be a challenge to balance both.
  • Effective communication is key in building a good relationship, and both men and women must be clear about what they want.

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man Review


  • This is a simple book for women to understand how men think.


  • I disagree with many ideas presented in the book, as most of them do not apply in modern times.
  • The book has made generalizations about how men and women act based on their gender, which is not a practical approach. Individual personalities may vary.

You can buy the book in your preferable format below.

Get the Audiobook: Listen free with Audible Trial

Get the Paperback version: View price on Amazon

Get the Hardcover version: View price on Amazon

Want to read more on love and relationships?

Here are the books I highly recommend on these type of topics:

Now it’s your turn

There you have it. I hope you enjoyed this book summary. And now there will be less confusion while talking to your partner.

Now you tell me:

What are your best takeaways from this book summary?

Do you have some feedback?

You can contact me anytime and let me know.

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Thanks for reading.

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The Brain Behind

I am Shami Manohar, the founder of WizBuskOut. My obsession with non-fiction books has fueled me with the energy to create this website. I read at least one book every week on topics such as business, critical thinking, mindset, psychology, and more.

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